First off, I wasn't kidding about that song. Have a listen to iOTA, an amazing Australian singer/songwriter here. See him live if you ever have the chance.

Ok, now on the surface, Melbourne and Sydney are a lot alike. They're both coastal cities with the two largest populations in Australia. Both have Chinatowns and huge markets and good nightlife and nearby beach getaways that are popular with locals and tourists.

But Melbourne and Sydney do have their differences. Melbourne is smaller, more quaint, and has a sort of cozy, cultured feel about it. There are crazy works of public art all over, and even the streetlights and utility boxes are painted with bright murals and patterns to liven things up. Sydney isn't exactly a huge metropolis, but it's a hefty walk from one end to the other, whereas Mellie is more manageable, hence the NY/Boston comparison. And just like their American cousins, most people love one and hate the other. (Personally, I find New York much too big and overwhelming, but I love Sydney.)

Out of Time?
If your time in Australia is limited, you probably don't want to waste much time in Melbourne itself, especially if you've already had a few days in Sydney and are all shopped out. Once you've seen one pedestrian mall with a giant HMV, you've seen them all. If you're planning to drive Great Ocean Road or visit Grampians National Park though, then it's worth a stop.

I only had three days in Melbourne, but could have easily filled a week with all the things I didn't get to do. For the full run down, invest in a real travel guide. Or send me some cash to go back and play some more. You know, whatever's easiest for you.

Getting There
Flying - Virgin Blue, Qantas and Kendall Air are three of the airlines that offer relatively cheap flights between Melbourne and most other large cities. If you book a few weeks in advance, or find a good Internet deal, you can get roundtrip air for less than AUS$150. If you have less time to plan, it will likely cost you around AUS$250 or more for the hour and a half flight.

Busing It - Lots of options here from Sydney. If you want to go the direct route, Greyhound or McCafferty's can get you there overnight, in about 12 hours, for around AUS$60 one-way. There's a small discount with an ISIC, VIP, or other student discount card.

If you want to go the scenic route, you can choose from the Oz Experience bus (three days, AUS$150), the Wayward Bus, or a few other places you can find brochures for in hostels and backpacker centers. With these alternative bus systems you'll likely see sights along the Great Ocean Road. If you have a few extra days, and a few extra dollars to spend, it would be worth your time to stop in one of the beach towns along the way and smell the seagulls.

Driving - Fancy a road trip? Rent a car (or buy one if you're going to do lots and lots of traveling around) and take a couple of days to find your own way there, stopping to explore when you want to.

Ride the Rails - You can get a one-way ticket from Sydney to Melbourne for AUS$110 (economy), $154 (first-class), or $231 (sleeper). With an ISIC, you get a 50% discount. The trip takes a little over 11 hours, so about as long as the bus, but a much smoother ride and with a dining car and room to walk around. Check with CountryLink for timetables, and if you plan on doing more travel by train, look into a backpacker pass.

Staying There
You have at least a dozen hostels to choose from in the downtown area, and more on the outskirts of town and down near the beach in lovely St. Kilda. Check with YHA for their official recommendations.

A couple of notes here:
Hotel BakPak is well located and great if you've always wondered what it would be like to shower in prison. Well, there's slightly more privacy than that. As for the social scene, there's a bar in the basement if you're looking to get trashed and hook-up with someone who probably wouldn't look nearly as good in the daylight. It does, however, have laundry and kitchen facilities, heat and air in each room, a travel agent/Internet café right in the building, and a small eatery. They also have job boards and all the other information a good backpacker will want.

Just around the corner from BakPak, located on Elizabeth Street, is Toad Hall. Much smaller, and less correctional-institution-like, the prices are just about identical and you'll feel much more relaxed. The staff is incredibly helpful and friendly and everything is as clean as a hostel can possible get. If the party atmosphere is what you want though, then you'll have to go over to BakPak's basement.

If you want to splurge a little, or if you're traveling with a couple of friends, look into the Hotel Y, also on Elizabeth St., less than a block from the two hostels. For $98 a night you get two comfy beds (one double, one single), a TV, refrigerator, private bathroom, and real towels and sheets and blankets. It's pricey by hostel standards, but split a few ways it's cheaper than even the sleaziest room you would find in New York or San Francisco. After a few days on the road, a little comfort can be worth a few extra dollars, and it's fun to stay at the YMCA.

Stuff to Do
Spend your way through the Queen Victoria Market. It's a huge outdoor flea market, produce market, and souvenir extravaganza all in one; Much like Paddy's Market in Sydney, but bigger and with some better deals. Besides the usual t-shirts, stuffed kangaroos and koalas, and postcards, you'll also find custom car seat covers, shoes, kitchen supplies, beauty products, slicers and dicers, watches, jewellery, sports jerseys for your favorite footy and AFL teams, and live chickens and ducks in the produce area. The booths tend to repeat themselves, so don't rush into buying something the first time you see it.

Stroll the Treasury and Fitzroy Gardens. This is a beautiful place to go on a sunny day for a picnic, some aimless meandering, and relaxation. Don't try to powerwalk here, it just won't work. Be sure to see the Fairy Tree and the Model Tudor Village, both located right next to the Pavillion Café. The fountains are also worth a look, and make good picture spots, and there's a small trail that goes down the middle of the park that almost makes you feel at one with nature. If you want something historic, go by Cook's Cottage. It once belonged to Captain James Cook's parents and was brought over from England in pieces and reassembled. Cost is $3.70, or $2.35 with student ID.

Hit the Melbourne Aquarium. It's no Monterey Bay Aquarium, but it's not half bad. There's a coral reef, rock pools, a fish bowl, and a spot where you can watch the fish swim right over you. Also included with your ticket is a motion simulator ride. Don't eat before you hop on. Admission is $19, or $12 with ISIC or student ID. For a lot extra, you can arrange to go diving in the shark tank. Call ahead for that.

Get culture at the Melbourne Museum. Lots of European and Australian art and innovative type things are featured here. There's also an IMAX theater next door if you want something less taxing. Check their website to see what exhibits will be on display during your visit.

Shop Bourke Street. Every kind of store you could possibly want, including a Target for your budget clothing and toiletry needs can be found here. This is also the place to find fast food, movie theaters, and street performers. On a good day you might get some activists too.

Ride the Free Tram. High on the list of things to do that won't tire out your feet is the free tram. It runs along with the other trams, but it's painted gold and burgundy and says "City Circle" on it. Hop on and enjoy a loop around town as the computer voice announces what attractions are located at each stop. It's an easy and relaxing way to learn your way around.

Ramble along the Yarra River. Oh la la, it's just like the Seine, except for being totally different. There are cafés and fountains and shops and things, though, so if you say a few "merci"s you might get into a European mood.

Munch at the Hard Rock Café. Not that you would want to go there, of course, being a real traveler and not a tourist, but if you have to bring a t-shirt home for someone, you may as well stop and have some of their awesome spinach dip. Happy Hour is M-F, 4-7pm and on "Travellers Tuesday" they have live music and cheap drinks after 7:30pm.

Eat in Chinatown, or the Greek Precinct. Melbourne has the largest Greek population in the southern hemisphere, and there are plenty of tasty restaurants to prove it. Walk along Lonsdale Street, between Swanston and Spring and see what smells good. Chinatown is just one block over, on Little Bourke Street.

Stuff I Didn't Do, But Would Recommend Based on the Advice of Others
Take a day tour of Phillip Island. There are penguins and other wildlife and swimming, and depending on which tour company you pick, you can get a barbeque and wine tasting thrown in. Ask at your hostel for recommendations.

Tour Great Ocean Road and Bell's Beach. It's along Great Ocean Road that you'll see the Twelve Apostles. Never heard of them? They're huge rocks poking out of the seashore that are pretty impressive, if you like nature stuff. You'll see other breathtaking scenery along the way to Bell's Beach, a surfing hotspot and filming location for Point Break. Whoa!

Tram it to St. Kilda. This is the seaside area where they film The Secret Life of Us, so you shouldn't really need any other reason to go. If TV connections aren't enough for you though, there are the rides and amusements of Luna Park, plenty of bars and cafes, sandy beaches, and it's all just a short tram ride from downtown Melbourne. Plan to get a hostel room there and stay the night.

Next: The Rocks in Water Tour, Melbourne to Adelaide.